The Uninvited Unsettling Year
Today, I am sharing a mistake I made that was mentally and emotionally confusing for me AND how the Lord responded to me in my mess. I am hoping you find courage and perhaps have a fresh perspective of mess you may find yourself in these days.
<< Que my true story. >>
It was a day like every other day after pay day, I had a coffee in hand and was sitting in my car hoping the rain would stop for just 60 seconds so I could avoid getting drenched on my way into the grocery store. Sometimes waiting for the rain to lighten up works in my favor, other times not so much. This time proved to be not so much. More water fell from the sky and filled the groves and pot-holes of the parking lot. I tucked my purse under my arm and pulled my hoody over my eyes as I rushed out of the car in the direction of the sidewalk that was covered. I made it to the entrance and I shook off the drops that hadn’t yet soaked into my zippy as I grabbed the cart. You would think I’m allergic to rain with how relieved I was to get inside. ;)
I grab fruits and produce first, snacks second, followed by canned and dried goods before passing through the deli and dairy sections. Six times last year, when I was grocery shopping and walking through the noodle aisle the Lord spoke to me. Each time the “sense” was the same but he said something different. Each time I felt unsettled. I felt fear but not afraid. One time he said, “Grab more food to give away.” Another time he said, “People in your city are going to be afraid.” Out of the six occasions I did grab extra food three times and but didn’t really say anything. I felt so uncomfortable. Why would God tell me to stock up? Why am I getting this uninvited unsetting feeling? This continued on over the course of a year.
Fast forward to November of last year and as is my annual practice, I asked the Lord what the coming year had in store. The next year was 2020 and again in my spirit there was an unsettling. I talked with my husband and my pastor about it. We chalked it up to being “gun-shy” of the new year since the past few recent years have been challenging and beautiful in their own way, but without a doubt sacrificial.
You guys! I ignored the Holy Spirit.
I assumed the Lord wouldn’t warn me of negative things ahead for myself, my church, or my city.
Fast forward again to Monday, March 15th, 2020, and as I was cleaning our airbnb for the last time, although I had no idea it was the last time, I held the corners of the clean sheet and lifted it up over the mattress to make the bed. As the sheet was floating down through the air to land, I stood up and had that same feeling again, except this time I KNEW it was the Lord. Only, this time he wasn’t warning me of a season coming, the season of fear and unsettling was had arrived.
COVID-19 shut down the state of Oregon, among other states, and our little family of four was in our “shelter shut in.”
Of course, I immediately repented as I finished cleaning the airbnb, but that next week I wrestled to find where I allowed fear and doubt to keep me from speaking up the year before. God told me and because I didn’t want to be a “dooms day” Christian, I ignored it. I shrugged it off and I wished I didn’t. I wished I trusted myself, that I can hear God and that I trust God has good intentions towards me regardless of how I understand what He speaks. Even warnings and preparation Words can be life saving! Think of Joseph in Genesis 41. The king of Egypt had a dream, and because of the Lord, Joseph was able to interpret it as a warning of an impending famine and Joseph was able to lead Egypt through seven years of abundance and prepare for seven years of famine.
After wrestling that week, I called my dad, who I know has given prophetic words that people didn’t like but later turned out to be true, so I knew I’d be in good company having a “negative” Word from God. I told him “I just missed it!” He said, “That’s okay. You’re learning.” Then he proceeded to coach me for the next hour and a half.
<< End story. >>
Friends, I tell you this to encourage you! Life is messy and even when we sincerely want to do the right thing we will still get it wrong. Thankfully, we have a God in heaven, family, friends and pastors who love us enough to walk with us through it, either ahead of us to coach us, beside us to encourage us, or behind us to have our backs.
Right now, life in this pandemic and politically charged climate feels like a messy dance, two steps forward and one step back, and I’m sure toes have already been stepped on. Can I encourage you?
Even if you misstep, the Lord is there with you. When the Word says, “I am with you wherever you go—“ (Genesis 28:15 & Joshua 1:9) That includes when we go wrong.
The Lord is faithful. He was faithful to forgive me for misunderstanding and ignoring him. He was faithful to forgive me for giving into fear and doubt. He was faithful to forgive abundantly and continues to speak to me through his Word every day.
The Lord is faithful. He is so faithful that he gave us family and friends who believe in us and push us to try again. He is faithful enough to return to us and continue speaking to us because he knows we can get it right eventually.
He is faithful because he believes in us.
He is faithful because he loves us.
Even as we all have our own individual messes, friend, we are half way through 2020. Where can you see the faithfulness of God moving in your life and on your behalf? Scroll down and let me know in the comments or subscribe below to continue receiving weekly encouragement to embrace the mess. Next week, I am sharing how I learned to find rest in stressful seasons.