How to lead when your team is small (or non-existent) and your family is young—
Tension can be created by the competition of values. I want to focus on the pressure that values can create in our lives.
Having a role ministry that is separate from my husband’s ministry has forced me to be efficient in how I work at home and at work. It takes a village to raise children and it takes a team to run an organization. Allowing pressure to push us towards raising and releasing our family members and team members is difficult but not as difficult as trying to do it all. In fact, I have observed women in leadership are excellent at raising up leaders in the ministry because they value their family.
Due to their love for their husband and children, leading mothers wanting to be present will lead, almost immediately, with their eyes wide open looking for an apprentice or partner they can trust to cover and care for their responsibilities in business. For others it is the opposite, a leader may look for a nanny to care for their children because they love their job. This is my first step anytime I have the opportunity to lead. Before anything else, I find someone to invest in. Especially when in preparation for cold and flu season. ;)
Here is a blog post describing a dilemma I had as a pastor with a sick child.
Now you may be asking, what do we do when our teams at work are small (or non-existent), and our family is young?
God has made us all so unique, our business and families are so different, that the answer could be somewhat subjective. This is why business coaches and mommy-mentors are valuable voices in our lives. There are best practices we can all learn from. Still, I’d like to help you begin to find your unique answer by answering this next question.
What do we do when our values are competing with each other?
Before continuing, I’d like to clarify, this is one short blog post. I cannot share everything my heart intends to share in one post. If you aren’t subscribed, will you consider joining my email list? You will receive the blog posts via email on this topic of embracing the mess and stewarding the tensions in life.
My answer to this question of competing values would be to define perimeters.
Let me break this down into three steps: Please note each step takes time!
First, try to recognize and define what values are creating tension.
What do I value?
What else do I value that does not flow easily with my first value?
Why do these values cause friction?
What atmospheres am I in (say at work or school) that have differing values than I do at home?
Second, allow each value to shape the other.
When you are living out a particular value is there a mindset or some level of efficiency that you can carry over and use while you live out another value? For example, I value hard work and fun. It is easy for me to schedule and prepare work hard, but do I schedule and prepare for fun just as well?
Should we change our expectations for how we live out a particular value?
Can we avoid the tension? If not why? If so, how?
Third, carry the tensions each value creates well.
Think positively about each value.
Talk well about both values.
Invest time and money into each value. Consider coaching, counseling, and choosing friendships with who “get it.”
Create (schedule relational times and projects) where you can be fully present and live out a particular value, then repeat for another value.
Throughout different seasons, some values won’t get equal time, but they can still be given quality attention.
We all value different things. While one individual may value fun over hard work, another may value handwork over fun. Can both individuals get something done with a team or family? I think so. It’s our values that we as individuals bring to the family, to the team, that make us stronger together.
This may sound difficult but every time I enter a new season and think through these steps I can always breathe a little easier. It also helps me know what I can cut out, delegate, or need to handle myself.
I’m sure you could google how to define your values and maybe that is all you can afford at this time, but recently I started receiving some coaching from an incredible woman named Melissa. I highly recommend receiving some coaching. I have found it is so helpful to have someone on the outside look in and help me better define my existing values.
Going back to valuing leadership and family, there is a great tension these create but there is a third dynamic that adds to that tension. That is, other people’s expectations of us as we lead in our spaces and raise a family.
Next week, I’ll unpack more about values and stewarding the tensions they create. Are you subscribed to the newsletter? If not, you can do that here and I will begin to send more equipping thoughts like this to your inbox.