#Love&War Forgiveness Lies
Life is filled with moments that affect us daily. Our days are filled with love & war. Each act of war and each reach for love highlights some of the difficult situations and inner pain we all experience. Today, I’m sharing with you some lies I believed about forgiveness.
Eight years ago I was standing in front of the window in my room at our two bedroom apartment. I was wearing socks because the carpet was cheap and felt weird. The sheet that I tact to the wall that sort of blocked the light from outside was hanging in front of me. I took the bottom corner and folded it up to tuck it in the top to let in more light. I opened my window to let in fresh air. I couldn’t breathe. Just a few months prior, Trevin and I had prayerfully decided to move to Portland. Within that transition, I was really sad to find out who lied and who didn’t support our choice.
Standing there at the window I began to wrestle inside. “I forgave them already. Why do I have to forgive again? I’m tired of this.” I didn’t want to expose the liar so I fell on the sword and no one knew it but my husband and God. I remember looking at the parking lot of our apartment complex through the screen and thinking “This still hurts. How long until I have fully forgiven them so this doesn’t hurt anymore?”
Those questions sent me on a journey with the Holy Spirit. My husband and I received some counseling that I am now so grateful for.
Through this journey I would revisit a memory from another season where I received counseling and crawled on the path of forgiveness then too. Some things I could pray through and just cry it out, but there was one moment, I held my breath, I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t forgive. That story is here.
Some people describe being offended as lighting yourself on fire
and hoping the offender will die of smoke inhalation.
Others describe forgiveness as seeing your enemy in jail,
you have the key, and you give that key to Jesus.
Forgiveness is so difficult. So if exposing the lies I believed in that season will help you take steps towards forgiveness I’d like to share those with you—
Here are five lies I believed about forgiveness:
LIE #1: If I forgive them, I am loosing and things won’t really change.
TRUTH: If I don’t forgive then things between me and Jesus can’t change because unforgiveness puts a wedge between us and Him. Also, forgiveness sometimes really does include, loosing a job, a good friend, good times, etc. I have to trust the future is filled with hope. I have to trust the Word of God. Jeremiah 29:11 (msg) “I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out — plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you a future and hope.”
LIE #2: I’m just going to ignoring it.
TRUTH: Forgiveness isn’t sweeping a situation under the rug or acting like it didn’t happen. Jesus didn’t passive-aggressively shake his head and shrug his shoulders at our sins. Jesus died for our sins. He forgave us of our sins. When someone has hurt us we should talk with that person and try to resolve the issue. Still, if there is conflict and especially if the other party won’t help the situation we should get counseling for ourselves.
LIE #3: When I have really forgiven them I won’t hurt anymore.
TRUTH: Prayerfully, I hope any pain you are experiencing is healed completely. I am thankful for naps, fresh air, time and for good counseling. Yet, we might find that there is still a sensitive area in our hearts for the rest of our lives because we know the pain was so raw, the situation was horrible, and we don’t want other people to have the same experience we did. Take time to ask the Holy Spirit to make your story meaningful.
LIE #4: Because I still remember it, I haven’t forgiven them.
TRUTH: This may be true. There could be other symptoms to follow that can help us and a pastor or close friend discern if we need to take another step towards total forgiveness. Sometimes we get confused on this because the Bible says “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Psalms 103:12. We can indirectly believe if God “forgets” our sin, then “I should be able to forget their sins too.” But I would like to suggest that if we forget offenses then we wouldn’t remember lessons.
When we have learned a lesson we have wisdom that can help us make better life choices. There is power in making choices that prove a situation no longer holds us captive.
LIE #5: If I forgive them, it makes what they did “ok.”
TRUTH: Forgiveness is not the same as giving permission. Forgiveness is an attitude that trusts the lord. Giving permission is a boundary that includes trusting the other party. It is possible to forgive and not allow someone’s actions to determine how the rest of your day/week/month/year…life, goes.
Can I give you strength today?
Just because you hurt doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven.
Just because you can’t forget doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven.
Just because you can’t ignore it doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven.
If the offense doesn’t affect your decision making process, I believe, you may have forgiven!
Finally, when you forgive you aren’t loosing.
Have I missed something? Are there other lies about forgiveness that we should know about? Leave a comment below!
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Next week’s post is for everyone who is dating or wants to date. Don’t miss it! xo