Building from Scratch - Where to Start
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About eight years ago now, we were house shopping. We had moved to the Portland/Vancouver area and were living in an apartment while saving up for a down payment on a house.
We were excited to find a new place that we could call our own and have our second child. We knew we wanted to purchase a house on one income so our second income could be used for fun and emergencies. So we knew we weren’t buying a mansion, in fact, the houses we were looking at were quite small, too small for a growing family that hosts groups regularly.
Then our realtor took us to a house that was bank-owned. 1,400 sq. Ft. of old Portland home charm. I remember driving up to a green house. Seeing the brushes along the road saying, “SPIDERS!” Trevin immediately said, “So we’ll pull those out.” “Ha, yeah,” I replied. The landscape was undone, trees had been planted in random places and the grass was laid in patches. There were small hills I’d assume dead animals were buried if this was a horror movie, but it wasn’t and there weren’t. The green siding was weathered and the windows were nothing to write home about. But this wasn’t the worst part.
We walked inside and saw a disaster. This house was trashed and then abandoned, and still had uninvited guests from time to time. We found needles on the crunchy carpet, in some rooms the carpet was nappy; at one point I imagine it was shaggy? There was graffiti on the walls, human and animal waste and garbage everywhere; and I can’t forget to mention the water and electricity weren’t on so we didn’t really know what we were looking at. Ugh!
This place was a hot mess and that’s a no from me.
I’m not joking when I say, we put an offer on it anyway. We were told the bank would take forever to respond on the foreclosed house and we’d find another house by the time we hear back.
We kept looking at houses and nothing was working for us. About three or four houses later, we found it! A house that I absolutely fell in love with. It had a gorgeous backyard with a swing set. The cabinets were clean and had charm. The original hardwood floors were refinished. The walls were clean and painted in uniform color. It was all open concept which we both loved. The only downside was that this house was on a main road. So that house was a no from my husband.
Queue one of the top three biggest fights we’ve ever had as a couple while driving and running errands. “Why would it matter if we were on a main road if we had a huge backyard?” We didn’t need a front yard. I was so upset as our car pulled up to an intersection I just stopped talking. Just then my phone rang. It was the realtor. Thank God! She’ll have another house for us to go see. We’ll figure it out. The right house is out there.
I answer the call, “Hello?”
“The house is yours! You guys are so lucky another couple put in an offer just after you, you got it!” She said.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I lost the fight. She was talking about the GREEN HOUSE. I was going to live in a run-down house. I was going to work a full-time job, raise children, and work a second job fixing up our house. Who has this kind of time? But unity matters when building a life with the ones you love so I chose to trust Trevin; that we could do this and began planning out how we would make this broken house a home.
Over the years, we would host small groups, birthday parties, holiday shindigs, BBQs, and, boy, did I learn who my honest friends were!
One friend said, “I can’t believe you host parties here?” It was Christmas, the bathroom was framed in and the walls were sheet-rocked but no texture and no paint.
Another friend said, “Oh wow! This place is so cute!” It wasn’t cute, the walls were half painted, the old wood floor was exposed and needed treatment.
Some friends left a party early. We didn’t have enough adult furniture for everyone there and the plastic folding chairs from church weren’t cutting it. To be honest, I was embarrassed, but I kept hosting, I couldn’t stop living just because life was ugly.
When we thought all we had to do was paint and redo the flooring, we later learned we had to upgrade the plumbing, fix some electricity… we basically updated the guts of the house. We had problems, so many problems. But looking back no problem was too big for us when we worked together. I look back and just stand in awe of all the work we did.
Before moving in multiple friends said, “This is a lot of work.” I remember having some projects in mind, thinking we’d get them done in a weekend, then other problems revealed themselves and we ended up not doing my projects for years. Looking at the mess it was overwhelming and I couldn’t imagine where to start if we had to do it again, but we figured it out just by starting.
I think life is like that right now. It feels like everything has been messed up. It’s all out of our control and so much is changing so fast. The world crashed and burned in 2020, and if we still care, we’re still picking up the pieces from it. Many people have found a new groove but so many are still broken. 2021 didn’t play nice either but I’m confident 2022 will have a different outcome. Here’s why:
Many people who are back on their two feet are looking behind them and extending a hand. What I’m seeing is more people caring about their neighbors. Don’t get me wrong, I’m seeing the child-suicide statistics and my heartaches. I hear of the injustice in our country and in Ukraine and I cry in the car. Still, through the mess people are trying to pick up and build from scratch where they are. Maybe this is you. Or, maybe you want this to be you but you don’t know where to start?
I’ve pulled some thoughts from the book of Nehemiah to give you a few places to start if you are overwhelmed by the mess and don’t know where to pick up.
Here are some places you can begin to build from scratch (or from the scraps you have left):
Prayer. How is your prayer life? In Nehemiah chapter one, we see Nehemiah learns about the destruction of the city of Jerusalem. He mourns. In his prayer, he repents and asks for a favor. I found it interested that he repents for the sins of the Children of Israel and he asks for forgiveness himself. “I have sinned.” He owned a mess in another city like it was his doing. First, if you don’t have a consistent prayer life, I’d love to encourage you to start there. Second, if you are praying regularly, will you be brave and own the messy pieces in your life, including the ones that are out of your control?
Your reputation behind closed doors. (Character & Work Ethic) Who are you really? In Nehemiah chapter two, we learn that Nehemiah had a reputation for how he approached the king while working as his cupbearer. So when Nehemiah approached the king with a heart that was burdened the king noticed this. What do our emotions look like and what words are we saying? Do people in our lives know when God is stirring something in us? Are we using self-control in our daily life so that when something is pressing against us, people can tell when we are off? Or are we always living “off” and out of control?
Your senses. (The entrance points to your soul.) What are you allowing into your life? In chapter three of Nehemiah we see he starts building at the sheep gate. What’s a gate? An entrance point. My question to you would be, does the enemy have access to your mind, will, and emotions? He receives access through what you watch, who or what you listen to, and so on. Your senses tell your mind what is around you and you have the choice to accept what you are sensing or to leave and go to another room. Guard what is entering your soul.
Your roles in life. (Friend, Sibling, Roommate, Spouse, Parent, etc.) In Nehemiah four, the work of building the walls is halfway done and it’s getting hard. The opposition has arrived. It’s important we follow the people’s example when we start to build from scratch and things get hard. Here is what they did: They prayed, they would guard each other, they stood in unity which requires humility, and finally, as Nehemiah encouraged them, they “remember(ed) the Lord” who is working through them to see this project finished. Are you praying, guarding, and believing the best is yet to come for those in your life? If yes, do you treat them like it?
At the end of the book, we see the walls of Jerusalem are rebuilt and God restores the people of Israel back to himself. They were able to embrace the mess but it required they start somewhere, just like Trevin and I with our remodel.
Check out some of these photos before we made any changes:
To give some perspective, the teal room was the master bedroom and the unfinished room with the water tank was our laundry room. All of the spots you’re seeing in the bathroom are grime and mold. And the room with the painting on the wall had bugs in the carpet. (Really long fat worms!)
Just like looking at these images, you may be overwhelmed looking at the pieces of your own world, it’s important to just get started. Keep learning to steward one area in your life until it’s become a discipline. Maybe start with an area that is familiar? Maybe pick one of the easier issues in your life before tackling a more difficult one. Then ask the Holy Spirit to point out the next area in your life he wants you to partner with him in accomplishing.
Here is a list of questions you could prayerfully answer and perhaps find a place to start as you look to rebuild from what is left of these last few years.
What is the situation?
Where am I most vulnerable right now? What are my weaknesses? Where am I easily tempted?
What do I need to repent of?
Who do I need to ask forgiveness from?
What skills do I have?
What new skills have I developed over these last few years?
Why have I not asked for help, yet?
Who is in my life that could help? Or, do I know someone that can point me in the right direction to someone else I could talk to?
What am I trying to rebuild that’s been broken? What is the Holy Spirit highlighting in my life that he wants to restore?
What does the Bible say about this area? What can I put into action now?
When and where will I pray regularly? Who will I tell so that I have encouragement as I grow?
You’re wondering where we started with the remodel, huh? Great question! We started with the most vulnerable person in mind, our three-year-old son. In the middle of the mess, I wanted him to find a space with experiences and boundaries that felt familiar and were realistic. So, we laid our mattress on the packing plastic and laid with him in one of the bedrooms until he fell asleep. That first night, we stripped the floor of the gross carpet, swept, vacuumed, mopped, pulled out old staples, and worked out any rough spots in the living room that had no lighting. (It was an old 1950’s house.) We painted the hallway and the living room in primer paint to cover a maroon red and all the discoloration. We set up our two-seater couch on a 5x7 rug in front of the vinyl tv stand from IKEA. Then with coffee in hand, we set out a basket of toys and waited for our little one to wake up… “any minute now.”
More of the remodel story coming soon. I can’t wait to show you the finished product. We’ll all feel better, I promise. Haha.
Friend, you are so loved and so valuable and so worth the hard work. Great days lie ahead for those who wiggle out of weariness and begin to build from scratch.
Remember YOU are a masterpiece even though you are unfinished.
I’m cheering for you! xo, Steph