In today’s world, we like the word influencer. Someone takes a picture of themselves with a trendy glass bottle filled with trendy gummy vitamins and shares their probably fake story about how the vitamins don’t taste gross, help you lose weight, and have so much energy. I hope you can hear my sarcasm and at the same time know I too take vitamins, but not because of someone else, I take them because I have a goal. My goal is to be healthy. Getting someone else to do something for you isn’t leadership. Inspiring and helping someone to meet their need or reach their own goal is leadership.

There are two categories of leadership: leading others and leading ourselves.

In my own journey, I have found a majority of my growth isn’t because someone said, “Hey Steph, I see your potential, you are amazing, and I’d love to invest in you.” To be frank, that has only happened one time. (Thanks, Melissa!) It’s rather the opposite, I looked at what was inside of me and said, “I’m passionate about this, therefore I’m going to spend money and time to invest in it.”

Sometimes as women in ministry we get lost in translation. We hear the preacher quote Jeremiah 29:11, or my favorites, Ephesians 2:10 and Ephesians 3:20, and we think they see our potential. So when we struggle to connect Monday through Friday we wonder what happened and what’s wrong with us? Because after all, the Bible is true so that’s not the part we question.

As a leader, the art of self-discipline will set us apart when God is looking to move in and through us. This lays the foundation privately that will become the platform we stand on publicly. The first way to lead is personal, it’s leading ourselves. Can we set and reach realistic goals on our own? Can we see our weaknesses and strengthen them, and so on? This is what I look for when mentoring women in leadership. I ask the “get to know you” kinds of questions to determine if they have learned to lead themselves or not.

Where then, should I start? You wonder. The ability to lead ourselves starts with the ability to be led by the Holy Spirit. Our Bible study times and prayer times are so important for listening for direction and confirmation about who and what we should invest our lives in. Again, these times require self-discipline and, of course, grace when we mess up.

So what or who are you passionate about? Set aside the time to develop, grow, and learn instead of waiting for someone to tell you what to do. My favorite websites are Google and Amazon. I can ask any question I want to without feeling embarrassed, risking rejection, and find the resources to grow. There are so many great free resources and Google never rejects me.

What I have found is, as I am committed to my own journey of following the Lord and personal development, people are able to see their time and words will be valuable to me and that I’ll appreciate the tools they add to my toolbox of life, ministry, and leadership. It’s less risky to invest in someone who leans into their own personal growth, than someone who doesn’t.

Reflect: Do your leaders have to hold your hand? Or, do you lean into development on your own? The higher up on the org. chart you would like to go the more important this will become. The more leadership you believe God is calling you into, the more this discipline will be required of you.

The second way to lead is more difficult because it includes other people, specifically leading them. It costs us our time, our attention, emotion, and the valuable wisdom we have learned in our own walk with Christ and in the church. Understanding our own setbacks and struggles helps us inspire others and understand the unraveling that they will have to endure for their own personal growth. You know the tensions and pain points from your journey, so you are a great candidate to lead others as they learn to navigate their season or situation in a healthy way.

We must learn the art of self-discipline to inspire and help ourselves before we can encourage and challenge someone else when it comes to their own discipline efforts and see lasting (maybe even eternal) results. Leadership isn’t just influencing people to do something for you, leadership is helping people solve their problems. It’s a cycle of embracing our mess, then helping others embrace their mess, and taking it all to Jesus.

We are all somewhere on this leadership cycle.

Leading others starts with leading ourselves.

Leading ourselves starts with following the Holy Spirit.

It continues on like this in each new season.

What do you think? Where are you in this leadership cycle? What category of leadership are you currently growing in? Do you take vitamins or nah? ;) Let’s chat about it in the comments.

Follow the rest of the LEADERSHIP blog series that is designed to support you as you lead female leaders who are just getting started!